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Will I Ever Stop Worrying About My Special Needs’ Son?

Alison Rhodes, The Safety Mom

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about Spencer.  He’s b  een doing so well at his new school in many respects.  He’s more relaxed, he’s getting good grades and, from what the teachers tell me, he’s popular in class.  It seemed as if everything was going along smoothly.  But, I’m back to worrying about the social issue.  My sweet little boy still doesn’t have any friends.  While his sisters are busy with playdates, Spencer is still alone.  This worries me beyond belief.  Living an hour away from his school makes it a challenge to arrange get togethers with boys from his class.  And, while the teachers say that kids like him, I really don’t know any of the kids in his class.  I found what I thought was a great social program for special needs kids run through our local YMCA but unfortunately it’s held on the Friday nights that his dad has him and he refuses to take him (no, he still can’t admit that it would be better for Spencer to socialize with other kids like himself)

So here I sit yet again, becoming increasingly concerned at his isolation.  How do I even go about finding friends for him?  How do I foster those friendships?  What does a “playdate” look like for a 12 year-old boy (is it even called a playdate?)  Mom is as much in the dark as her son as to how to do this!  I constantly worry about whether he’s depressed and not sharing it with me.  The challenges never seem to end and sometimes I’m exhausted with worry.  Yes, all moms worry about their kids but with special needs kids comes extra concerns and, you know what?  It’s exhausting!!!

Thoughts and suggestions from other parents out there would be greatly appreciated!

Alison Rhodes is the founder of Safety Mom Enterprises and Safety Mom Solutions, the premier baby proofing and child safety company in the New York, New Jersey and Connecticut area. Alison is a family safety expert, TV personality and consultant.

Vist our new store! Safety Mom Direct.





  1. This is a great question to pose to my friends here: (the same isolation is experienced with children who have aspergers)

    Good luck!!

  2. Barbara Carucci

    Hey, My eyes are tearing up reading this Allison. I did not know. What does Spencer have? I do know it is hard when your child is not “Normal” whatever that means. We have had countless years of wondering how and when all would work out for Matthew. He has ADD and this sometimes locks him away in his own pain and dispair. He turned 18 this summer and is finally wondering about his own future and how he will manageit. I am sorry for your pain and the added pressure of Kenny not understanding. If you need to talk I am here. I love you and your beautiful children. Barbara

  3. You know Alison, I really think it would be easier on both of you if you just trust that he will find friends for himself. I am sure it is not easy, but he probably feels your anxiety and this makes him less open to just go about the natural way of connecting. On the other hand, what probably always works is some kind of club/social activity which is his passion. Is it a certain sport? Make sure he goes to a club to play once a week. Is he a bookworm? Let him join a library or a book club. Does he like collecting insects? Get him into something in this direction. IF he also wants to. Whatever his passions, wherever he can meet like-minded people, bonds are bound to happen.
    When I was 7 my parents moved to my now home country, where I didn´t speak a word of the language and I ended-up in an English school. On my first day of school they just gave me one advice: Explain yourself with hands and feet if need be.
    But what they really said was: You will be just fine and if you are in doubt – you will find a way!



  1. […] Mom and say to me, “How do you do it?”  What they are referring to is the fact that my son has special needs, my first died of SIDS, my husband has Multiple Sclerosis and my father has Alzheimer’s and oh […]

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